no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
