Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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