He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
