Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
