Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize