ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
