Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I seem to have left my pride at pride
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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