look no pants
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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