i just had sex bonerless
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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