I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
