do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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