Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
