Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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