But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
