Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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