I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
