I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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