my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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