Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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