Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I had to cum in my sink.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
