Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize