how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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