wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize