In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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