let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
