My Higher Power is John Stamos
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
