i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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