dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
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