capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
