I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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