I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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