Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
