I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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