I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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