I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Randomize
