My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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