Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
