Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
