he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
