The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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