Screwed.edu
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
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