I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
