I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
