have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
