Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize