I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize