Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Randomize
