respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
