Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
