I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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