THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
