You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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