Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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