You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
