win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
