We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
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