dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
