You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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