You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
