I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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