she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
