This house was built for laser tag.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
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