dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
