i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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