Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
