Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We left the knife in your bed.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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