im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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