the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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