I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize