Umm I'm too high to move.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
