so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
