Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
