ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
