oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
