Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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