It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
